Consent, built into how the deck plays
Updated
Our Deck doesn't add consent as a disclaimer; it builds it into the round. Every round starts with Ground Rules, refusing a card is always free, a way to end the round is on every screen, going further takes two taps, and every round ends in Aftercare.
Consent, the FRIES way
Planned Parenthood describes consent as FRIES: freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific. Each one has a place in how a round of Our Deck plays.
| Consent is | What it means | In Our Deck |
|---|---|---|
| Freely given | A choice made without pressure, and not under the influence. | Not this one is free every time: no forfeit, no reason, no counter. |
| Reversible | Anyone can change their mind, at any point. | We're done with this round is on every play screen. Lowering how far a round goes takes one tap. |
| Informed | You need the full picture to agree. | Ground Rules opens every round: a safe word, a slow-down signal, who leads and what is off the table. |
| Enthusiastic | Doing what you want to do, not what is expected. | Every card is a suggestion. Dares only come if you ask for them, and Dare me instead never replaces Not this one. |
| Specific | Yes to one thing is not yes to everything. | You choose which phases a round may reach, and going further mid-round takes two taps. |
Source: Planned Parenthood, Sexual Consent.
What is a safe word?
A safe word is a word you agree in advance that means stop, immediately, with no questions asked. In Our Deck you choose it on the first Ground Rules card.
SAFE WORD
Choose a safe word for this round. Anyone can say it to pause or stop. No explanation needed.
Saying it stops everything. Then either of you taps We're done with this round, which asks once and goes straight to Aftercare. The app never records that a safe word was used.
A signal for slowing down
Ground Rules also asks for a signal that means slow down, not stop. In the card's words: “Agree a signal that means slow down, not stop: a squeeze of the hand, a tap on the shoulder, a word. Show it to each other now. The safe word still stops everything.”
Refusing a card is always free
Not this one deals a different card. It costs nothing, asks for no reason and shows no counter, and no setting can make it cost something.
Dare me instead sits on its own row so nobody taps it by mistake. Refusing never moves anyone further: in a pack's step-by-step ladders, refusing a step ends the ladder.
Ending a round
We're done with this round sits at the bottom of every play screen, even while a timer runs. One tap asks a single question, and Go to Aftercare goes straight there. Pause is separate: it keeps the round for three hours without ending it.
Going further takes two taps
Before a round you switch on the phases it may reach. During the round, lowering that takes one tap and raising it takes two, so making a round gentler is instant and going further is always deliberate.
What is aftercare?
Aftercare is the time after sex spent looking after each other: staying close, cleaning up, saying what you liked, coming down together. It comes from the BDSM community, where it follows any intense scene, and it suits every kind of sex.
STAY
Don't get up yet. Stay exactly where you are for two full minutes. Breathe together. No phones, no cleanup, no talking unless you want to.
Every round of Our Deck ends in Aftercare, however it ended. It can't be skipped and it's never behind the paywall: all four Aftercare cards are free.
Background: Aftercare (BDSM), Wikipedia.
Nothing asks about your history
No never-have-I-ever, no disclosure prompts, no “have you tried this before?”. The app never asks what either of you has done, and never changes because of it.
Drinking and consent
Drinking mode is optional and asks for sips only. Consent has to be freely given, and being drunk gets in the way of that, so keep it light, drink water, and stop if either of you has had too much.
Privacy is part of it
What you play stays on your phone: your names, your bodies, every card you play and every card you refuse. See the privacy policy for the little the app does send.
Questions
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iPhone. Free to start. For adults, 18 and over.